Instead of a stock introduction post, I have compiled rules to this game. This internet game.
Rules of the game:
1. No significant talk of a significant other or of prospects. Everyone’s lonely. We all get it. But maybe that’s why you’re on the Internet to begin with, to meet new people. Don’t meet new people (Refer to rule #4).
2. Don’t ever look or be surprised. The name of the game is: Desensitization. Now the Internet can smell the slightest trace of fear, and can send pizzas or a SWAT team to your door.
3. Laugh at everything. Because secretly it all hurts deep down.
4. Avoid meeting people from the Internet. You’ll either be extremely disappointed or harassed. Or you could be taking a step down a hole you will never come back from. Read: every comic/anime convention.
5. Remember you are being watched and judged. It’s not just about your Facebook profile picture anymore, no. You just Last.fm’d a stream of Blink182 under the handle, “IFellInLoveWithTheGirlFromTheRockShowX”“, and you’re 24 years old. Someone from Norway is laughing at you now. They’re probably younger than you.
6. Never forget that getting “famous on the Internet” is easier than you’d imagine.
7. Keep your mouth shut. No one can comment if you have no voice. And if you did, prepare for a shit-storm.
8. Ultimately, on the world wide web, you are just a series of photos, minute details, and maybe a resume if you’re that savvy. Don’t act like you don’t know.
9. If you are drunk: avoid internet-shopping, e-mail of any kind, Facebook, AIM, and, if hardy enough, your blog. In fact it would better the cause of humanity if you got off the computer and concentrated on getting more wasted. If you’re not off the computer within five minutes, you are not picking a new song for that sick party you’re at. No, you are probably alone, in your room, with nothing but the reflection of your glowing laptop screen on your eyeglasses, blinding you from the harsh, cold world.
10. Embrace it. Old forms of community, communication, and courting are getting phased out. You best get ready to break rule four. I don’t take back the whole stepping “down a deep hole” statement though.
11. And the eleventh rule? There are no real rules, just your dignity. And soul. Let’s not forget about that last one.